


Longing for Your Touch

by grethan-allmance (Sapphire09)



Series: Grethan Drabbles [28]
Category: Dolan Twins RPF, The Dolan Twins, Youtube RPF
Genre: Brother/Brother Incest, F/M, Grayson is a tease, Incest, M/M, Off-screen Relationship(s), Twincest, though it also gets somewhat angsty at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27022492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphire09/pseuds/grethan-allmance
Summary: Grayson could feel the heated stare behind him, focused on his back. Or, more pointedly, at his ass.He didn't need to turn around to know it was Ethan. Who else is there anyway?"Why aren't you wearing pants?" Ethan asked, something strained in his tone."I am wearing one," Grayson threw back without looking away from the toast he was making."Those aren't pants," Ethan argued, pointed and even somewhat choked. "Those are barely underwear. Those are strings, pretending to be pants. Your ass is like, totally exposed, fuck."OR:Grayson is a tease and Ethan is very determined to not be a cheater.
Relationships: Ethan Dolan & Grayson Dolan, Ethan Dolan/Grayson Dolan
Series: Grethan Drabbles [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1276412
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

Grayson could feel the heated stare behind him, focused on his back. Or, more pointedly, at his ass.

He didn't need to turn around to know it was Ethan. Who else is there anyway?

"Why aren't you wearing pants?" Ethan asked, something strained in his tone.

"I am wearing one," Grayson threw back without looking away from the toast he was making.

"Those aren't pants," Ethan argued, pointed and even somewhat choked. "Those are barely underwear. Those are strings, pretending to be pants. Your ass is like, totally exposed, fuck."

Grayson wiggled his hips a little. He doesn't have the flexibility in his waist for an actual twerk, but he still knows how to make his asscheeks jiggle. Behind him, Ethan groaned. Grayson let out a scoff at that.

"This isn't the first time you're seeing my ass, Ethan," Grayson said again, moving towards the cabinet and rummaging through it. "We're at home and no one's here."

"I'm here!"

"Eh. Like I said, no one's here. I'll walk around in my underwear if I want to."

"That is barely an underwear, Grayson. You're naked!"

Grayson merely shrugged and went back to his cooking. "We were born naked together, Ethan. You've seen me naked lots of times. This couldn't possibly bother you."

Grayson heard a groan followed by a soft thump. He then turned off the stove and served the toasts to the two plates on the counter. Then, he shifted his gaze from the plates to Ethan, whose chin is now on the counter, looking up at him through his eyelashes, looking slightly pink.

"You know," Grayson started, leaning on the counter with his ass out, deliberately positioning himself. He knows how he looked, with his arms bulged and his pecs looking even more defined and plump like this. "It's interesting how you look way more embarrassed looking at my ass -- not naked, by the way. This is an underwear, shut up -- than when you're showing off your ass for the internet to ogle."

"Fuck off. That's not a fucking underwear. You're wearing a fucking thong. Barely one, by the way." Ethan snarked back, grabbing at a piece of toast Grayson just made. His eyes though, they keep straying to Grayson's pecs, his arms, then glanced over Grayson's shoulder, to the mound of ass barely covered by the piece of underwear. "Why is it in such a bright red? It looks - tacky."

Grayson smirked.

"Wanna touch? I've showered. I got this new body wash, my skin feels really smooth right now, it's great. Even my ass never felt smoother." Grayson said proudly. Ethan glared at him, though his blush persisted. His eyes can't meet Grayson's, straying all over Grayson's exposed body instead.

"Yeah, I've noticed," Ethan mumbled around his toast. His hand that wasn't holding the toast twitched, though he fiddled with his plate instead of reaching out to Grayson. "You smelled good."

"And you're turned on," Grayson taunted, watching the pink on Ethan's cheeks turning a bit more red. "Because your twin brother didn't feel like putting on pants this morning. What a great brother you are."

"Oh, fuck off," Ethan said grumpily, still pink in the face as he finished off his toast and grabbed his plate, going around the counter to put his dirty plate into the sink. "Just FYI, I've been semi-hard since I woke up. This isn't because of your - surprise."

"Oh? That so?" Grayson taunted again. He had straightened up when Ethan got up, and now he leaned on his elbow with the counter on his back, one hand around his share of toast. When Ethan glanced at him again, he could see the way his eyes roamed the plane of his body, see the way his adam's apple bobbed up and down as his eyes roamed lower to his stomach, to his pelvis, and even lower. The red on his cheeks intensified as he stared at Grayson's dick, barely covered by his 'underwear'. He knew how it looked, just a little nudge, or just a good wind maybe, would be enough for his dick to spill out from its brittle confinement.

Also, like this, with them on the same side of the counter now, he can see the line of Ethan's hard dick through his shorts.

Grayson smirked again. "You sure about that, big bro?"

Ethan's eyes then snapped back up to Grayson's face, glaring again. Though, with the blush, he doesn't really look particularly intimidating.

Grayson smirked wider and did a little body roll, taunting Ethan again. Ethan groaned, turning away now while Grayson giggled.

"Are you turned on because of me, now? Really, such great big brother you are, to be so turned on by your own twin brother. You like fucking your own twin that much?"

Ethan didn't turn back around nor did he say anything back, not even a sarcastic remark, but the tips of his ears are red and Grayson felt that strange thrill of delight everytime he managed to render Ethan speechless, though this time it also came along with some other feelings.

It was a weird kink of Ethan that Grayson found out by accident. He didn't understand it, still doesn't. Honestly, Grayson felt he would've felt mortified, hurt even, if Ethan was the one saying them to Grayson.

That was how Grayson found out, not long after Ethan made it official with his girlfriend. He had wanted to hurt Ethan, just a little bit. It was a moment of weakness for him, a bad day when he was feeling the unfairness that Ethan decided by himself to end their 'thing' when he still noticed the ways Ethan desired his body, no matter how he tried to hide the signs. So, he made fun of him for it, brought it to attention with the intention to humiliate him. Hurt him. He regretted the words the very second they came out of his mouth, but Ethan's reaction had been unexpected.

He was embarrassed, sure. But, he wasn't hurt, at all. Grayson knew how Ethan looked when he actually felt hurt, he was confident he could tell. Instead, Ethan seemed to like them. His face would redden in his embarrassment, but his pupils would be blown wide. He would turn speechless, and for someone like Ethan who likes having the last word, to Grayson it felt somewhat like a win.

It was a weirdly specific kind of humiliation. Ethan didn't get like that for anything else that could be considered humiliating. Honestly, some people would even say they both of them don't have much shame at this point, considering the stuff they'd put out in the internet already. Most things, Ethan would just laugh off and move on. The subject was pretty specific too.

His lust for Grayson.

After he found out this weird kink, Grayson mostly kept it aside, used pretty sparsely since he didn't really like the words coming out of his mouth. They never talked about it either, simply moving on and trying to pretend they are normal brothers again for the camera and the people around them.

Still, at first, it was fun to rile Ethan up like this. For some time, it felt like winning an argument. But, over time, it started to feel like he was losing something, too. He also realized, no matter when Grayson used it and what kind of circumstances he used them in, nothing would ever come out of it. Ethan would always stay his hand and not touch him in those moments, even though Grayson could hear the moan and the sound of Ethan touching himself after, whether it was in his bedroom or in the bathroom. He could hear his name being dragged out of Ethan's throat in those moments.

Even now, practically naked and perfectly presented, Ethan still stayed his hands.

Honestly, Grayson wondered himself why he still bothered with this... play. Why he was even going this far with this. He wondered if he was even saying the right things, if Ethan is actually as turned on as he seems. It's not like he understood it. He wondered if Ethan was ever hurt by his words, the way he had initially meant to do. If he didn't yet, he probably will, sooner or later, if he kept going on like this.

He wondered why it even mattered that Ethan is lusting after him, when he obviously won't do anything about it.

"How pathetic can you be, to lust after someone with your own face?" Grayson asked, taunting, though he could hear how the words came out more half-hearted than he meant to. His tone more flat and less mocking, and he wondered why he's still trying. He could see Ethan twitching from where he stood, head lightly turned towards him and Grayson could see better the blush gracing Ethan's face.

Still, he does nothing, and something inside Grayson decided to give up.

So, he let out a soft sigh, and gave up.

"By the way, what time will Kristina arrives? You're going to pick her up?" Grayson asked, straightening up and threw his empty plate into the sink. He dropped all the coy and seductive act and looked around for whatever stray shirt or pants he can wear. He spotted Ethan's long-sleeved shirt on the couch, so he walked past a flustered Ethan to get it and put it on. It was one of Ethan's looser clothes, so it fits pretty well on him.

"Uh - what - right - uh, probably around noon."

When Grayson turned around, Ethan looked a bit wrong-footed, blush still showing on his face, though he noticed it was fading. Grayson figured that was probably from the sudden change of mood.

"Shouldn't you get ready, then? I don't think you've even showered yet."

Ethan blinked, staring at Grayson a bit strangely. Grayson doesn't know or understands what that stare means, but he figured it doesn't matter anyway.

"Right," Ethan said haltingly. "Yeah, I'll go... do that. Shower."

"I'll go get coffee then."

"In that!?" Ethan asked loudly, weirdly alarmed. Grayson looked down. He probably should put on some pants, or at least a less skimpy underwear. But, what the hell. He's just going to a drive through. He had went in his briefs before. A shirt should be enough. Not like he would get out of the car anyway.

Which is what he said to Ethan. In which Ethan somehow take offense to and forced Grayson into a pair of shorts. Grayson let out a defeated sigh after that and left the shorts be, even when it clashed with the shirt he's wearing.

Of course, Ethan would put him into more clothes, instead of removing the one piece of 'string' he didn't even have to work very hard to remove. Grayson would pout if he didn't feel like it cemented his decision to give up and feel really sad instead.

The drive to and back from the Starbucks did make him feel a bit better, though.

When he returned, Ethan was freshly showered and pretty ready to leave.

"Alright. Have a save trip," Grayson said as he gave Ethan his coffee.

"Wait, you're not coming?" Ethan asked, weirdly incredulous.

"You haven't seen her for a long time. I'm sure you'd like some time alone. I don't wanna be a third wheel this time."

Ethan blinked. "But, she misses you, too."

"And I miss her. But, you're the boyfriend. She'll probably appreciate having some alone time with you before seeing all our friends," Grayson shrugged. "I'll go hang with Connor and Max. We'll just meet at that restaurant we planned."

"Right," Ethan muttered, looking somehow a little lost and a lot confused, but that's probably because he didn't expect Grayson not to come with. He's probably been thinking about the reunion a lot, and Grayson figured Ethan just felt a little wrong-footed. "Okay. Good idea. Thanks, bro."

"Sure, dude. Be careful on the road." Grayson smiled, though it felt brittle at the edges. He doesn't think Ethan saw it.

"Okay. Love you, dude. See you later," Ethan said as he went to his car, coffee in hand. Grayson kept up his smile and replied back.

"Love you, too. See you later."

The words tasted like ash on his tongue and it felt as if he was saying 'Goodbye' instead. Ethan paused his walking, looking back at Grayson, expression puzzled, and Grayson wondered if Ethan heard the word, too.

"...You sure you don't wanna come?"

Grayson shook his head firmly. "Third wheel. Don't feel like it."

"You're not third wheel."

Grayson sighed again. "Go, Ethan. I'm fine. See you later."

Ethan frowned, but he continued his trek to the car and finally left. Grayson turned back into the house and sat down on the couch, head leaning on the back rest and stared at the ceiling, feeling somewhat numb and empty.

When the waterworks finally started, he's just glad there's no one to see it.

-end....?-


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest and say I honestly forgot this one didn't have the second chapter yet, despite it already finished over in wattpad. I'm sorry.
> 
> A/n: Ethan's POV. Maybe? Honestly this can probably be a separate story altogether, but eh. Might as well.
> 
> Almost no dialogue (or at all, really) and a lot of... Philosophizing? Intense monologuing? Idk. But Ethan's POV here is a kinda twisted tbh, that's your warning.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed this.
> 
> \-----

Ethan hated keeping secrets. He understood the necessity, understood the need for secrecy. After all, if anyone ever found out how he was fucking his own brother, his reputation won't be the only thing destroyed, but everything he and Grayson ever built and ever has, too. Both of their lives would be destroyed, and the thought always ate away at his conscience.

It felt like a noose around his neck, having to be aware of everything he does with his own brother where anyone might see, whether it was through the barrier of a screen or live. To always have to watch what they do, force himself to pull away when all he wanted was to push _closer_.

He longed to be able to be sweet, to be a lover instead of a brother, even in public where someone might see instead of restraining himself to only behind locked doors with only the two of them as witness. He wanted to be able to say proudly and clearly, yell it to the sky how much he _loves_.

_(Mine, entirely and irrevocably mine, as much as I can own him, see my happiness, my pride, my love--)_

But he couldn't, and he was choking in his fear of being found out and the fear of losing _everything_. Choking from the secret while bursting in his satisfaction, tearing himself apart in his own mind and heart and he was slowly, surely, teetering on to falling into madness, just shy screaming _fuck it, fuck everything--_

To love another felt like a relief, a reprieve. Even more when the love of his life told him to 'go for it', promising he's not going anywhere, ' _just_ _because we've fucked. You're still my brother too, E. I want you to be happy_ '.

It means another secret while his feeling settled, while he let himself to truly love another that wasn't his twin. But, compared to the other secret, it was less destructing, less damaging.

After all, even if this secret gets found, it will only show him to love a woman. There is nothing sinful or unlawful about that. And not like it was pretend, he does love her. And as time passes, the surer he gets, that _ah, I can live the rest of my life with her._

With her, he didn't have to watch himself. He didn't have to pretend to push her away and he can grab her closer if he wanted. With her, he can freely be a lover whenever and wherever, because she isn't his _brother_.

But, that doesn't mean he stopped loving, or desiring, his brother.

What he felt for his girlfriend is probably what most people would describe love; soft and passionate, intense at times while calming the next. A person that he simply adores to be around, to have around, and wanted to have around.

What he felt for Grayson have always been beyond that. It was beyond romantic, beyond platonic, beyond familial and beyond whatever other words the english language have for other forms of love. Grayson have always been _more,_ beyond his words can describe. It was such an intense feeling, an unnamed thing in which no words had ever felt like _enough_ , while also being something that is simply _there_ , as if there is nothing else he could possibly feel when it comes to Grayson. Something he can take for granted while also filling his every breath and coursing in every rush of his blood.

He still desired to touch him, missing the soft whimpers and and loving words, missing his heat and all the ways his lips tasted, the shape of his body under his fingertips. He will always miss it, will always want it, and touching the woman he loves satisfied a different part of his wanting, not quite the same, but enough to reel it into something he can push away momentarily for another fight.

(Because there will be another fight, for as long as he lives. For as long as he _breathes_.)

He understood when Grayson started riling him up, despite telling him to be happy and giving his blessing in the next moment. He always has such a temper. He was always ruled more by his emotion, something Ethan always found somewhat enviable and more often annoying, infuriating, _frustrating_ , and always so, _so_ _endearing_.

The words he said would likely hurt anyone else. He knew if Ethan said them back to Grayson, he would take it as a slight and be deeply hurt by it. And, if anyone else had said them to Ethan, he'd likely start throwing punches at those 'anyone else'

But, because it was _Grayson_ , he tickled Ethan's desire instead. Heat would rush in his blood, lust and desire and _wanting_ would course through him, that familiar need to touch Grayson.

_(He is my brother, my twin,_ _**mine** _ _by_ **_birth-_ ** _-_ _)_

And, having a taste of him already, it only served as a reminder of what he let go of, making it even harder to stay his hand against the burning _want_.

Still, stay his hand he did, because he'd made his decision. He may be an asshole and perhaps the worst twin brother in the world, but he won't become a cheater, too.

She deserves more from him than that.

Besides, his love for Grayson went beyond his lust, his base desire. Beyond the physical _want_.

He is as important as whatever chemical in his brain that makes him _feel_ in the first place. He may not need Grayson to live, he's not _that_ helpless, but whatever unnamed thing he feels for Grayson, it filled the very _base_ of everything he needs to feel everything else.

(After all, Grayson is probably the first person he loves, before he even knew what love was, the first person he felt anything for, and he never had to learn how feel without loving Grayson.)

But, secrets always have a hard time to stay secrets. Things have a way to come out, even through unexpected means. No matter how careful they were, there will always a chance for something to come up. Various chances even just for a minor slip-up, and everything they've made for themselves, everything they've built, would be destroyed. If he doesn't stay his hand, if he followed Grayson like he wanted, the chance for them to get found out will only get bigger.

The worst thing that will happen is that he will lose Grayson, by force or even by resulting circumstances. Other people will take him away, separate them in the name of ' _their_ _own_ good', and Ethan--

_("If you're happy, I'm happy.")_

Ethan can't have that.

He can never have that.

He'd rather have his arms cut off and his legs sawed off than to let anything like that happen.

So, he stayed his hand. He will always stay his hand. No matter what, no matter how great the temptation, no matter how much he _wanted_ , he will stay his hand.

(No matter how tempting his lips were, calling out my name. He knew exactly what buttons to push, show off the parts of him that drives Ethan absolutely crazy--)

_(_ _'I_ _can't leave you. I'll never leave you. You'll find someone too, someone who loves you as she loves me. Someone you'll love like I love her. If someone like me can find someone, how can you not? You're so lovely, so sweet and so adoring, so_ **_perfect_ ** _._

_'I won't leave you, not until you leave me first. And even then... I'll latch onto you. You'll never get rid of me, you're_ **_mine_ ** _.')_

If, for some tragic reason, for whatever life may throw at him in the future, he loses this girl he loves, he'll be heartbroken. He may even feel _destroyed_. But, he also knew he'll be able to move on from it. It won't be a great experience and he hopes that he won't have to go through something like that, but he still knows he'll be able to move forward. He'll cry on Grayson's shoulder and miss her terribly, but he'll eventually move on.

But, losing Grayson? Even the mere thought sent despair up his spine, sent fear up to the back of his head and a freezing chill down his skin. He would die, plain and simple. By body or spirit or mind, he'll _die_.

_(A world without Grayson? Unfathomable.)_

It was almost like a physical pain, to stop himself from doing what he really wanted to do. But, it was a pain he can handle, _will_ handle. There was still something in him that went satisfied, even among all the tightly restrained longing, everytime Grayson riled him up.

For all its... _Inconvenience,_ Ethan hoped Grayson would never stop doing it. It felt like the best kind of punishment, a _maddening_ kind of punishment.

_(Why does he sound like that? Why isn't he coming? Ah, Grayson being thoughtful again. There is no need for such concern. But, if it's what Grayson wants..._

_Ahh, I wanna kiss him so fucking bad...)_

_-end_ _(probably, for real, this time?)-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: I literally have nothing planned out for this. This is written pretty much on the go. Also, while writing this, all I'm thinking was 'wow, separation anxiety at its finest and most extreme lmao'.

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: This was supposed to be for kinktober, my day 1 entry, but this did not turn out into how I planned it to be. Like, so much less kink and a lot more heartbreak *sigh*
> 
> P.S. This was posted in my Wattpad before Ethan's gf arrived and before the vid was up. I forgot to cross-post it here. Sorry....


End file.
